The World Doesn't Work That Way

I started back again. I don’t think anyone’s noticed. I feel like someone who just...

Mon, 22 Apr 2013 22:54:53 -0400

I started back again. I don’t think anyone’s noticed. I feel like someone who just blends in with the wall so no one ever wants to talk to me.

I just feel so lonely. I love Nick so much, but I feel like he’s the only friend I have right now.

And he’s 8 hours away.

cutting feels

Thu, 26 Jul 2012 14:31:52 -0400

cutting feels

back in action holla~~~

Tue, 10 Jul 2012 20:01:15 -0400

back in action holla~~~

What was about a month ago?

Thu, 07 Jun 2012 12:30:30 -0400

I’d kept myself from cutting for about a month.

I don’t remember what made me so upset the day that I posted that.

I don’t like the pain that comes with cutting, I like seeing the blood afterwards. Mostly...

Thu, 07 Jun 2012 12:28:47 -0400

I don’t like the pain that comes with cutting, I like seeing the blood afterwards.

Mostly I’ve stopped, but there are days where my scars seem to beg and scream at me to cut over them. I’m not sure if they want the pain, the feeling of the slicing, but I like seeing the blood.

Someone made one of those silly posts, like the ones of words on paint chips, that I normally hate, but this one time I actually agreed with it. It said something about seeing the blood reminded you that you were alive. At the time, I agreed with it. But now I think there’s something else about seeing the blood.

I’m just not sure what.

today’s been a bit of an emotional roller coaster,...

Wed, 30 May 2012 22:22:09 -0400

today’s been a bit of an emotional roller coaster, although i don’t really know why. Normally I feel ok knowing that you ignore me all the time, but i don’t know. I don’t feel like I deserve to be ignored anymore.

song.

haha, maybe i should give you back the two things i forgot. but then again I like knowing I sort of have something.

since you trashed everything else.

it was going to be about a month today. I’m sorry

Tue, 22 May 2012 18:38:51 -0400

it was going to be about a month today.

I’m sorry

overly out-there

Sun, 13 May 2012 12:18:39 -0400

I really want to show up at your house crying to show you what you’ve done. Maybe then you would care about how much you messed up.

I don’t understand how you managed to fuck up my life so many times. You told me that you wanted to marry me while we were dating, but what happened?

How is it that you can screw up my life so many times, and watch me cry, and watch me cut, and watch me go insane, and just feel nothing? If all you can remember is the sex, like you told me, then was that all I was?

Oh my god, I feel like these questions are repeated so many times, but you never answer them. I don’t think you even have an answer for them.

I have so many insecurities now because of you.

Why can’t you fix it anymore?

shit I feel like cutting again.

Wed, 09 May 2012 19:13:09 -0400

shit I feel like cutting again.

AHH IM IN THIS STUPID FUNK GET ME OUT

Wed, 09 May 2012 18:08:39 -0400

AHH IM IN THIS STUPID FUNK GET ME OUT

Photo

Wed, 09 May 2012 18:06:47 -0400

well yesterday was interesting.

Fri, 27 Apr 2012 16:31:10 -0400

well yesterday was interesting.

So today I wore my standard tank top [with a light jacket] and short-shorts. Randomly during the...

Thu, 19 Apr 2012 22:14:13 -0400

So today I wore my standard tank top [with a light jacket] and short-shorts.

Randomly during the middle of the play, Alex asks someone “Is there a particular reason Liza dressed like a skank today?”

Which, wouldn’t bother me much if it was someone else. But can I tell you that I’ve worn this outfit several other times and it has never been a “skank outfit” until today. And more than that, last summer, the summer before that, AND the summer before that tank tops/shorts have been my trademark. During all those summers, I was DATING you.

and ~all of a sudden~ it’s a fucking skank outfit.

Not to mention, Mrs. Mock somehow decided to tell me, after seeing me 18xxxxx times, that I was doing fine work backstage, but I needed to dress according to dress code the next time. Okay, that’s only two people so far.

Recently I’ve been feeling… able to talk to people in my theatre class, which I consider an accomplishment. For the most part, I’ve thought them very… gossipy and rather obnoxious, but I felt closer to them for the first time ever. So after Mrs. Mock told me that I wasn’t dressing according to the dress code, I was talking to Sadie about how I was rather annoyed about it, [because as far as I was concerned, it had never been “skank” until now] as I changed from short-shorts to slightly less short-shorts. After I changed, I realized that it had been getting hot backstage, and so I decided to remove my jacket and just be in my tank top.

After I do so, I notice Sadie talking to Michael. And she is talking about me. I heard her telling him how, after Mrs. Mock told me I was dressed skankily, I changed my shorts, but then took off my jacket and still looked just as skanky.

And then afterwards I flipped my shit, because I started feeling fucking close and okay with people, just to have them tell me that I’m still a bad person.

This has been a journal entry.

I guess I want pity, but I really just want to stop feeling ridiculous.

Sun, 15 Apr 2012 01:11:00 -0400

I guess I want pity, but I really just want to stop feeling ridiculous.

It’s been a long time since I’ve had these three chat boxes open at the same...

Sun, 15 Apr 2012 00:39:15 -0400

It’s been a long time since I’ve had these three chat boxes open at the same time.

It’s a good feeling.

now bleed bitch bleed bleeeeeeeeed!

Sat, 14 Apr 2012 21:07:46 -0400

now bleed bitch bleed

bleeeeeeeeed!

tired

Sat, 14 Apr 2012 17:59:00 -0400

tired

Photo

Sat, 14 Apr 2012 17:12:00 -0400

Photo

Sat, 14 Apr 2012 16:53:02 -0400

nothing left. why should i care?

Wed, 11 Apr 2012 22:04:16 -0400

nothing left. why should i care?